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Rain and your voice. Two things that I would forever long for, two things I would always love and two things that I would never be able to own.

I never really know why I love the rain. When most people worship the sun and the beach, I take solace in the rain and the woods or even the long winding road to nowhere.

It must be the solemn whisper that the drizzle brings as each drops trickle down to the lush leaves of the remaining mango tree in our backyard when I was seven years old. It must be the cool and soothing feeling that the first rain after the summer brings to my pre-pubescent body back in Dolores. Or it must be the refreshingly pure crystals that nourished our garden of petchay back in my primary school days in Bacood.

I was never able to pinpoint the reason. All I know is that I love the rain. I love the comfort that it brings me even though I never knew how it can comfort me. I love the bliss that it gives my tired soul even though I never knew how numbing cold can be any blissful. I love the peacefulness that envelops me when I watch the rain pour even though I know what destruction it can bring to low lying areas in our country. I guess that’s why I say I love it, because I never knew the reason why.

I once told you that love is like that. If you know the reason or if you can explain your fondness to somebody, you don’t love him, you only like him. Love is like faith and “like” is well, like believing. If you believe something because there is some proof to back it, it’s not faith. Nobody has ever seen God but most people believe in Him, that is faith.

I didn’t know if I made sense to you that day but all I know is that we love each other dearly and whether it’s right or wrong I sincerely feel that we can survive any ordeal that may be thrown our way.

Now I am not too sure about it. It was raining when I heard your voice again and I know how deeply I still love you and your voice. But it’s different now.

It was also raining the first time the same lovely voice told me that you love me too. I will not even try to describe the flood of emotion that I felt. People who have been loved before know how it feels and those who haven’t experience it yet will not know it. I mean, how can you ever describe accurately to a young Aeta child the taste of an ice cream if he hasn’t tried it yet?

It started out like any casual attraction. The first time I saw you, I never imagined in my wildest thought that I would eventually love you like no other. Yes, I was deeply attracted with your soulful Latina eyes and your lovely smile but it was your killer butt that really stirred my lustful imaginations. I was not really a butt guy but there was some air of sexiness you brought when, during our company outing, you came in a very hot denim shorts that made me decide to risk being accused of sexual harassment.

You were, after all, one of my subordinates and while people say I don’t look six years older than you, you were barely legal during that time. It was also my number one rule to never be involved with a subordinate, but damn, you are hot.

It was a long trip to Zambales but I enjoyed each minute after some expert machinations forced you to sit beside me during the trip. I tried to be with you all throughout the outing to make sure nobody else will get a chance to talk to you. I know then that at least two of my regular staffs are eyeing you also so I have to be alert all the time. I didn’t mind that I might lose my credibility to my other staff and subordinate, I only care for this very hot young thing.

The long trip back to Manila was even more satisfying. You were so tired and you were also feeling sick that you did not mind when I offered by shoulder to sleep on during the long travel. I never knew that I can sustain such a long and hard erection until that summer day.

It was supposed to be a strong lustful affection but I started to get to know you. You were not like any other hot Latina I envisioned. Yes, you are hot. But no, you were not letting just anybody to let their steam off you. You are deep and sweet. You are mature beyond your age yet innocent and pure. You are thoughtful and kind. And I eventually fell in love with you.

I know you had feelings for me also but one really never know what hits him until it does hit him on the face. And one rainy day on our way back from Tagaytay I finally heard from your sweet voice that you love me too. I remember us both shedding tears of joy while our cab driver waits for the green light in the intersection of Vito Cruz and Taft Ave. I would never forget that one rainy day inside that damp cab at the corner of Vito Cruz and Taft on my birthday.

You knew then that I will be the man for you forever. I know then that I will love you forever. You knew then that you were willing to live your life with me forever. I only know that I will make your life happy always but I was never sure if I could ever own you ever.

When I heard your voice again earlier, it still brought pure joy to my heart. I guess, even if we just say the same thing to each other every day, I will always feel that bliss it brings to my soul. It never gets boring to us even if we will just utter the same thing everyday. I will forever long for your voice, for your presence even though it is different now.

As I listened to you tell me some issues you had with your new boyfriend I realized that the feeling is the same but it is different now. I am here to make sure that you will be happy always and I will have to make sure that you and your boyfriend make your relationship work. We love each other but it is different now.

I guess I am lucky to be staying in Singapore now. It has always rained ever since I moved in here and its keeping me sane. It gives me an alternative to t
he other things that I love most.

As I looked out the window, the rain has stopped now but it left behind a cool breeze that’s soothing my warm skin. It’s like your lingering voice that soothes my tired mind. It’s like your lovely voice that keeps me going when I am sad.

My sweetest wish perhaps is to be old and gray one rainy summer day, walking in the beach holding hand with you.

I know I would probably never be able to own you now. But I will love you forever and will look forward to that one rainy summer day when you will whisper to me that you have always love me too.

magsÂ

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 20th, 2009 at 1:00 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. Your comments will be moderated but will appear as soon as humanly possible.