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February 20, 2001, at home

Getting up early has never been a habit for me. I lie in bed, with the wall clock ticking at a few minutes past 4 in the morning, both my hands at the back of my head. The mellow light from the lampshade illuminates the room and turning the purple curtains into shades of red, it moves slowly as the soft wind blows through the window to make ripples on it. February mornings have been cold this year. You’re sleeping soundly beside me. Hmmm, I was barely able to sleep last night, too excited to doze off, my mind busy thinking about the preparations I have to do this early morning. In a few minutes I’ll be sneaking in dozens of flowers into the bedroom, careful enough not to wake you up. This is my surprise to you and my way of saying thank you for everything you’ve given me. Today we will celebrate our first year of marriage.

You would place your arms around me as you sleep as what you have always done the last 365 nights. I would then hold your back and put you closer to me. Yes, quite difficult to comprehend that even in your sleep you subconsciously make me aware how I much mean to you. Everything has been so complete and romantic for us since we got married last year. And never have I been so happy in my life-and this I believe is an understatement.

I look back on how our bondage began many years before, a long time ago, me, fresh from college and feeling my way around my first job. And what else best narrates our story but the letter I sent to a popular radio station two years ago. It was the turning point of my, or rather, our lives. It makes me smile to remember how the disc jockey was so “touched” by my letter and the song that she dedicated to the two of us. That song has become my favorite since then- I’m sure you know that song. The months and the years that passed after that was easy and free flowing…and slowly we re-built the past and started our togetherness. As I reminisce back I stroke your hair as you sleep. I wonder what you would feel when you wake up and see all those flowers…

I still remember every line of that letter, every word, and my recollections transport me back to the time when I was alone in my room, pen in my hand, each stroke of my hand translates what I had carried inside for quite so long.

This is our story.

One Friday night in October 1998, the DJ reads this letter.

To you,

Hi, I hope you’re listening to this radio station, I know I’m such a foolish guy to do this, anyway here it is.

It all started six years ago when we became officemates in Lipa City. It was my first job, my first step into the real world which later came to be the start to my path to self discovery. The introvert type of man that I have always been, I made it a point not to let anyone know in the office that I treat you as someone special. I always see you everyday, me pretending busy doing something but in the corner of my eye I watch you as you gracefully perform your work. Just seeing you completes my day.

But even the best-kept secrets find its way to leak out. Soon everybody’s teasing us almost every day, and it made me quite uncomfortable. How I wished that it just remained as it is, a secret, so I would stealthily take quick looks at you, smile at you when you pass by, and pretend that its just part of our daily routine.

I thought the uncovering of my secret would result to an air of uneasiness between us, but to my surprise you sent me a note, telling me that we could be friends if I want. That was the greatest surprise that I got, as never did I expect someone like you to offer that to someone as lowly as I am. But no matter how receptive you were for us to be friends I still remained distant. It was I who would look away when our eyes met, it was I who would turn away when I see you heading my direction, It was I who placed a distance between us. That was how we have been for the one whole year I served in that company. Soon I found another job that would transport me far away from you.

The next job brought me to a place where people speak another language and whose way of life is quite different from what we have in Batangas. On still nights with nothing else to think about I blamed myself for not doing any move to approach you, talk to you, be your friend, and later on express my thoughts and feelings. Yes, it was stupid to think that I spent one whole year there with you, just a few meters from me, and not doing anything. For years I suffered because of my own weakness. How I wished then that I were able to squeeze every amount of self-confidence and muster all the courage to just talk to you.

But an unexpected thing happened-by sheer luck, or perhaps by God’s own way, I found another job-a job that would lead me back to Batangas. And that was the chance I’m waiting for!

I was back and made arrangements for us to meet again. I swallowed all my shyness, thinking that it is now or never-I may lose you forever if I would not make any effort to let you know how special you are to me. I waited, it seemed that the minutes that passed was eternity, and at last you came. It seemed nothing has changed- you are still so kind and so sweet, and the time and distance that existed between us vanished in an instant. I was so awestruck at that moment and no word described how I felt then! I promised to myself to remove every tinge of introversion from myself for I almost lost you before and I never would that happen again.

And so on air, through this radio station, I am not ashamed to tell the whole world how much I love you.

Signed: cupcake

That was it. Well, I guess I have gone quite far… The disc jockey got too carried away and said on air that our story should culminate in marriage. And she’s a good fortune teller-two years after that letter we exchanged “I do’s” in a simple wedding ceremony. Right now we’re starting a new life and building a happy family.

I bend down to kiss your cheeks and slowly I whispered to your ears as you sleep: “thank you and happy anniversary sweetheart”.

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eaclaveria@f…comÂ

———

waw. – ed.Â

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