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“Somewhere down the road….”

This line kept playing in my mind. Whenever I think of what we just did. We broke up. And I started it. You weren’t ready. In fact you resisted. You told me there is still hope. I can’t see any. We’ve been in this situation the whole time we’re together. Where is the hope?

I wasn’t ready either. I wasn’t prepared. You said I am strong. But I am not. I am weak. So weak each time I wake up I wish I was with you in a world with people who doesn’t care. Sometimes I wish I was dead.

Whenever we see each other we have to hide from those who know us. A ’sighting’ would mean disaster. We can only see each other only if we lie to the people around us. It’s worse than having an affair. Of being a third party. We can’t ride the same bus going home even we get off the same bus stop, for the fear of someone seeing us.

Don’t get me wrong. We had lots of happy moments together. And I cherish all of them. All of them stolen. But we are happy. We are inlove. And it hurts to be separated with you.

In the beginning both our parents opposed our relationship. And they do too until now. Sounds like you and me against the world. You and me against the world. Romeo and Juliet. Tristan and Isolde. Great ‘romantic’ love. Happy beginning. Tragic end. Blinded by love. I don’t want us to end that way. I want us to grow-up and see life as it is. To be aware of our realities and circumstances.

Your family needs you, and so am I. Your family needs your help. They will heavily rely on you in the next few years. Your siblings will need you. Your parents will need you. You’ve just started. I’m almost done. I’ve been helping my family for a long time, and soon they will no longer need my help. I can leave them to be with you. But you can’t leave yours for me.

Even if we can leave our families to be together, we will still have problems. What about our future children? Will they grow up without grandparents? Will they spend christmas with us alone? Will they be denied of kinship with their parents’ families? Love is one thing. Having a family is another.

We both think that we’ll never find a love the same as we had. We both think that we will never find happiness. For both our sakes I hope that we are wrong…

If you find someone to love, and he is worth your love, love him more than you loved me. Though it will hurt me, I won’t stop you from loving another man. I want you to be happy.

I love you. You know I do. But as the song says…

“Letting go is just another way to say I’ll always love you so….”

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sent via email by hurin thalion.

my dearest Jf..

you know.. it hurts seeing you every morning and yet i can only look at you.. or take a glimpse of you.. u never notice me in class. i cant tell u about how i feel. i wished ive known u before your friends did. so i wont be having a hard time talking to you. or i wont have this awkward feeling everytime i smile at you in our school corridor. yes., every smile, nod, hellos and gudbyes that you;ve gven me has enligntend my day and i want to thank you. i know its not pssible that you would read this.. and thats ok.. if i am only a boy. i wud court.. but im a girl who has a crush on a girl too.. even I doesnt know how i feel about you.. yes im happy everytime i see .. im happy everytime i caught you looking at me.. but every time u look at me i can see the questions and comments about how weird i am with you. cant u notice that i always sit next to you in our biology theology and filipino class?.. how i wish you do.. so you wud get teh idea..

you dont know how much wanted to take care of you.. to give you a ride home.. i always wait for you outside your classrooms for every class even if you dont know… i always follow you and go to places that i might see you.. im afraid that i would become your stalker. i wanted to stop myself from liking you.. but .. love is inevitable. you cant avoid it. i hope ou understand that. i know u think im weird. ur friends think that im weird. i know.. by the looks of them everytime that im around.

i hope i will have the courage to even add you in friendster.. or maybe get your number.. i hope.. i wish..

– yellow.

—————-

sent via email by a gurl rockstar

by HM.

Habang itinatago titingnan muna isa-isa
Ngayon ang dalawa ay di na magkasama
Tinatamasa ang mga nagdaang karanasan
Na ngayo’y tila alaala na lamang

Bakit kailangan gawin ang ganito
Isang bagay na labag sa loob ko
Na itago ang tanging alaala mo
Mga bagay na naiwan ng pag-ibig na bigo

Kay saya sana kung tayo’s nagkatuluyan
Mga alaalang naipon kay sarap buksan
Mapapangiti sa kilig habang tinititigan
Kasama ka pa rin sa mga araw na nagdaan

Paglipas ng panahon at may pag-ibig nang iba
Muling magkikita at maaalala ang una
Mapapangiti at makakadama ng ligaya
Magtatanong, paano kaya kung kami pa?

- November 11, 2006