pinoyloveletters.com

dear pinoyloveletters,

one of my outbursts from way back, and my first contrib to your site

sincerely,
three-guesses-and-you’re-out

————————-

never with me

you hurt me with your lies
you hurt me with your stories
you hurt me with your words
you hurt me with the things you do

i am falling in love with you.

and i cannot bear
to watch you lie,
to listen to your stories,
to see
how unmindful you are of my existence,
how easy it seems for you to hurt me
without even trying

to hear you
to watch you
fall in love

but never
with me

i have fallen in love with you

and it hurts so much
just to be beside you and not say a word
while my heart is trampled
my mind numbed
my soul shattered into a million little pieces that i cannot even find

i am under no illusions
of you and me being more than this.
and this is not something i wanted,
not something i’d seen coming.

i am sorry for doing this,
but i am so tired.

goodbye.

——————–

maraming salamat miss 3 guesses and im out. hahay. goodbyes.

When we dream, we hope, and we fear of things that might happen.

Hope. Hope is the feeling that gives us reason to do irrational things, because we hope our hope will defy reality and truths (or that our hope is actually reality that is to be revealed).

Fear. Fear is the feeling that comes when we doubt our hopes. When we over think our dreams (and we usually do), somehow reason overcome our hopefulness.

Hope. This driving force made me more creative, inspired, and motivated about almost all things. Everything seems to be light, and humor is not that hard to find. It safe to say at those times, I was happy. I do not have any material or concrete thing at hand, but that hope somehow provided a virtual reason to be happy.

Fear. As my hope endures time, gives way to re-think (again and again and again..) the matter, and reality becomes overwhelming. Because of this, sadness sets in, the sadness ripple out doubts, and doubt exponentially strengthening the fear.

I read from somewhere, “…melancholic and sadness are the beginning of doubt, doubt is the beginning of despair, despair is the beginning of differing degrees of wickedness!” (Admirable poetic prowess isn’t it).

From the valley of my extreme desires, I have forged this hope for my dream. And wielded this hope to make my dream a reality. Unfortunately, reality debacles my hope and fear sets in my heart. This hope is not strong enough to exist by my desire alone. I need some viable reason to hope for my dream. As time goes by my doubts and my fears are growing. Creeping slowly to take what my heart desires, somehow I still hold on to this hope. Ironically, it is because my fear of loosing my dreams is greater than my fear of being unhappy…

At this moment, this is what I feel…

——————

sent via email from ..lmb@y…

panalo.

i guarantee you, this letter will make you smile.

—————-

Wonderwoman,

“Hi, do want to catch a movie? And if possible dinner… Dinner at the same table? At the same time… with me?”

How I wish I could just come up to you and ask you that, and I hope it would not be that awkward. Wishful thinking that I never thought would come to me in a dire and unforgiving place (no not prison!).

At first, there was the unconscious eagerness to talk to you, talk about something or anything that would at least give me a glimpse of who you are. Then unexpectedly someone notice that I act a little strange when you are around. She presume that I am fond of you or that I even like you.

As a defense mechanism (installed to me when I came out of the assembly line for geeks, nerds, and idiots), I instantly denied it, without batting an eyelid. Never seen it that way, until I have given it a thought:

1. Hoping to see you often (check!)
2. Hoping to walk and talk at the same time (check!)
3. Hoping and wanting to know you (check!)
4. Day dreaming of those (1~3) from ever happening (hmm… check!)

Yup, there’s something there! May be I was too preoccupied with so many things that I seem to ignore the things that keep me a little lighthearted. This feeling of wanting simple, trivial things over someone becomes something that matters to me. It has no explanations, no complications, just plain a simple feeling of desire (in a very wholesome way). It was sublime.
Hope I could have a chance to know you better personally. Almost every conversation with you seems to be an anticipation of having the chance to present myself. If I ever could get an audience of you, in a heartbeat I would ask you if I could get your number, ask if you have any plans this weekend, or ask if you don’t mind… can I be with you. Amazingly enough, I am doing nothing, I am just sending this letter to void…

There is an explanation, but as always, complications accompany it. However, I am not giving up on this so easily, I will find and make way so I may have the right, the chance to express the feeling that I have for you.

Batman

———————

batman tsong, sana mabasa ni wonderwoman to. salamat sa kilig.

this was sent via email. pinoyloveletters@gmail.com.

bakit sa tuwing nahahagip ng lumilipad na isipan ang alaala mong pilit na hinahagis sa kawalan, lagi nalang mga luha ang nangingilid sa mata, hindi ligaya o ngiti, sa dinulot mong saya?

ayoko na sanang lumingon at balikan ang natapos na at tinalikuran. ang sarado na ay huwag ng buksan.

hindi mo pa ba ako pakakawalan?

ibinabaon na sa limot at pilit na tinatabunan. ngunit muling bumabangon binabasag ang katahimikan.

nag-aabang ang unos na nagbabantang umapaw. ngunit ano ito at hindi ako makagalaw?

ayoko na sanang umasa’t maiwan. hindi pa ba sawang ako’y sinasaktan? gumuguhit ang hapdi sa aking kalamnan.

hindi mo pa ba ako pakakawalan?

———————–

kawalan. by gunnar cornelio. panalo!

time, they say is the best healer of all. im just about to believe it. fate, though, has a way of going through it in a shortcut. everyday i get clues from the small things that come my way.. i’ve learned to accept that what i probably want, is not meant to be. gradually the hatred subsides, the pain becomes bearable, and slowly, hope rises from within, like the morning sun.

hey i feel better now. what i probably needed was to know that you are in the right hands. that you are with somebody who can love you and take care of you in the same way that i did, or even better. you are a big part of my life and like i told you, every tear that drops from your eyes is a spear to my heart. i feel better because i’ve read the words i so longed to tell you, but i just can’t get it right. i feel better because you’ve restored your faith in something that we both believed in, and it is something that i want you to live by.

yep the pain is still there, but is drying up, like raindrops on my skin after a heavy downpour. i’d get by, don’t worry. as long as i see you smile, i’d be all right. suddenly the world is a better place. i no longer see lies behind your smiles. i believe you now. i give you my peace. and i have to begin finding mine.

i am happy for you. i really am. i want you to know that i will always love you. coz love is never a function of time. damn. it feels good to say it.

Wednesday, 9 June 2004