may nagsabi sa kin dati na expert sa paggawa ng sulat… wag daw sisimulan ang sulat sa paumanhin, hindi daw tama yun pero eto at susuwayin ko ang rule na yun…

ai, pasensya ka na at wag ka sana iirap kasi eto at gumawa ako ng sulat para sa yo… kahit alam ko na di mo hilig mga ganito… siguro naiisip mo pa nga ngayon eh eto na naman mga kakornihan ko… kakaiba ka kasi sa lahat… sa halip na kiligin sa mga matatamis na salita eh umiirap pa sa paniwalang puro lang yun pambobola… pero sana basahin mo pa rin ito…

di ko nga alam kung bakit ako naging ganito… mas marami ako pinagdaanan at mas marami nang alam sa buhay pero andami ko nang sariling rules na sinira at ibinasura dahil sa yo… wag mo naman mamasamain kasi di naman kita sinisisi… sinasabi ko lang…
di naman ako corny na tao… hindi ako expressive at hindi ako madaling magsabi ng nararamdaman sa ibang tao kahit pa matagal ko nang girlfriend… pero kahit ayaw mo eh parang di ko mapigilan na banggitin sa yo palagi na mahal kita…

kasi naman ikaw lang siguro minahal ko nang ganito… yun bang kahit simangutan mo ako eh tatanggapin ko… kahit sinabi ko na sa sarili ko na ayaw ko na eh bumabalik pa rin ako sa yo… kahit sabihan mo ako ng masakit na salita eh ako pa umaamo sa yo… kahit ipagtabuyan mo ako eh parang asong ulol pa rin akong hahabol habol sa yo… kahit sabihin mong di mo na ako mahal eh andito pa rin ako para sa yo…

ok po… alam ko na iniisip mo… sasabihin mo eh bakit? di mo naman ako panapagtyaga ng ganyan… o kaya sasabihin mo na nambobola lang ako at ganyan naman kaming mga lalaki na ganyan lagi sinasabi sa harap ng babae… kasi iba ka nga sa lahat kaya ganyan sasabihin mo di katulad ng iba na kikiligin siguro…
siguro kaya ako nagkaganito… na sinira sarili kong rules sa buhay… sabi ko nun eh di ako magmahal ng labis para walang masyadong sakit… pero eto ako ngayon at tinuturuan ang sarili na maging manhid para lang mamahal ka ng lubos…

sabi ko nun pag ayaw eh hwag… alam mo siguro ngayon na kinain ko na salita kong yan pagkatapos kong ipagpilitan pa rin sarili ko sa yo…

sabi ko nun wag sabihin lahat ng sikreto para hindi magamit laban sa sarili mo… pero ngayon eh alam mo na kahit pinakababaon ko na sikreto…

madami pang ibang nagagawa ko na ngayon dahil sa yo… pero syempre knowing you… di ako umaasa na pinaniniwalaan mo mga pinagsasabi ko…

sa kabila ng lahat marami pa rin akong ipagpapasalamat sa yo…
kahit ganitong siguro ay tinatawan mo lang mga sinasabi ko… salamat at minsan ay nagtiwala at naniwala ka din sa kin…

kahit noon ay mas gusto mong mapag isa sa may tabing dagat… salamat at hinayaan mong masamahan kita minsan habang naglalakad ka sa buhanginan…

kahit pagod na pagod ka na minsan… salamat kapag pinipilit mong mabigyan ako ng oras at makasama ka…

kahit natatakot kang may makakita sa atin… salamat sa mga pagkakataon na hinayaan mong ihatid o sunduin kita sa pagpasok…

kahit hindi ako umiinom… salamat at hinahayaan mong samahan kita sa pag inom mo…

kahit di ka naman talaga sweet at ayaw mong pinapakita nararamdaman mo… salamat sa isang pagkakataon na bigla mo ako hinalikan at sinabihan ng i love you habang nagluluto ako… salamat din sa mga pagkakataon noon na naibulong mo sa kin na mahal mo ako…

kahit masyadong masakit ang mga pinagdaanan mo… salamat at nagawa mong ibahagi sa kin ang parteng iyon ng buhay mo…
at kahit ngayon ay nawala na yung nararamdaman mo sa akin… salamat at minsan ay minahal mo rin ako…

at tatlong buwan na ngayon simula noon… kahit malayo na ang nararating ng bus 854… salamat at sumama ka na bumaba sa bus kasama ko… sapagkat sa kabila ng lahat… yung huling tatlong buwan na yun ang pinakamasayang tatlong buwan ng buhay ko…

happy 3rd months na sa yo…

ai

Pepe,

I remember from years uncounted, we said to each other that we will not love any other. That if we part, it will be impossible, if not hard, for us to move on. That we will live our lives, the rest of it, missing what have been lost. Not getting any satisfaction from any new love found.

I still remember the moment. One afternoon under that big tree. In a park that houses not only plants but animals too. A purgatory for animals waiting for their end. We never saw them animals, especially the birds. We were there every time we have problems. We were there a lot of times.

Years went by, we are now living separate lives. You got yours and I got mine. And I am happy with my new love. I took the time to write this letter just to say, that I am glad we are liars. And to say that now I found the truth, my one true love.

Pilar

i LoVe yOU sO mUch. .!!!

gerald…. .

#09

February 20, 2001, at home

Getting up early has never been a habit for me. I lie in bed, with the wall clock ticking at a few minutes past 4 in the morning, both my hands at the back of my head. The mellow light from the lampshade illuminates the room and turning the purple curtains into shades of red, it moves slowly as the soft wind blows through the window to make ripples on it. February mornings have been cold this year. You’re sleeping soundly beside me. Hmmm, I was barely able to sleep last night, too excited to doze off, my mind busy thinking about the preparations I have to do this early morning. In a few minutes I’ll be sneaking in dozens of flowers into the bedroom, careful enough not to wake you up. This is my surprise to you and my way of saying thank you for everything you’ve given me. Today we will celebrate our first year of marriage.

You would place your arms around me as you sleep as what you have always done the last 365 nights. I would then hold your back and put you closer to me. Yes, quite difficult to comprehend that even in your sleep you subconsciously make me aware how I much mean to you. Everything has been so complete and romantic for us since we got married last year. And never have I been so happy in my life-and this I believe is an understatement.

I look back on how our bondage began many years before, a long time ago, me, fresh from college and feeling my way around my first job. And what else best narrates our story but the letter I sent to a popular radio station two years ago. It was the turning point of my, or rather, our lives. It makes me smile to remember how the disc jockey was so “touched” by my letter and the song that she dedicated to the two of us. That song has become my favorite since then- I’m sure you know that song. The months and the years that passed after that was easy and free flowing…and slowly we re-built the past and started our togetherness. As I reminisce back I stroke your hair as you sleep. I wonder what you would feel when you wake up and see all those flowers…

I still remember every line of that letter, every word, and my recollections transport me back to the time when I was alone in my room, pen in my hand, each stroke of my hand translates what I had carried inside for quite so long.

This is our story.

One Friday night in October 1998, the DJ reads this letter.

To you,

Hi, I hope you’re listening to this radio station, I know I’m such a foolish guy to do this, anyway here it is.

It all started six years ago when we became officemates in Lipa City. It was my first job, my first step into the real world which later came to be the start to my path to self discovery. The introvert type of man that I have always been, I made it a point not to let anyone know in the office that I treat you as someone special. I always see you everyday, me pretending busy doing something but in the corner of my eye I watch you as you gracefully perform your work. Just seeing you completes my day.

But even the best-kept secrets find its way to leak out. Soon everybody’s teasing us almost every day, and it made me quite uncomfortable. How I wished that it just remained as it is, a secret, so I would stealthily take quick looks at you, smile at you when you pass by, and pretend that its just part of our daily routine.

I thought the uncovering of my secret would result to an air of uneasiness between us, but to my surprise you sent me a note, telling me that we could be friends if I want. That was the greatest surprise that I got, as never did I expect someone like you to offer that to someone as lowly as I am. But no matter how receptive you were for us to be friends I still remained distant. It was I who would look away when our eyes met, it was I who would turn away when I see you heading my direction, It was I who placed a distance between us. That was how we have been for the one whole year I served in that company. Soon I found another job that would transport me far away from you.

The next job brought me to a place where people speak another language and whose way of life is quite different from what we have in Batangas. On still nights with nothing else to think about I blamed myself for not doing any move to approach you, talk to you, be your friend, and later on express my thoughts and feelings. Yes, it was stupid to think that I spent one whole year there with you, just a few meters from me, and not doing anything. For years I suffered because of my own weakness. How I wished then that I were able to squeeze every amount of self-confidence and muster all the courage to just talk to you.

But an unexpected thing happened-by sheer luck, or perhaps by God’s own way, I found another job-a job that would lead me back to Batangas. And that was the chance I’m waiting for!

I was back and made arrangements for us to meet again. I swallowed all my shyness, thinking that it is now or never-I may lose you forever if I would not make any effort to let you know how special you are to me. I waited, it seemed that the minutes that passed was eternity, and at last you came. It seemed nothing has changed- you are still so kind and so sweet, and the time and distance that existed between us vanished in an instant. I was so awestruck at that moment and no word described how I felt then! I promised to myself to remove every tinge of introversion from myself for I almost lost you before and I never would that happen again.

And so on air, through this radio station, I am not ashamed to tell the whole world how much I love you.

Signed: cupcake

That was it. Well, I guess I have gone quite far… The disc jockey got too carried away and said on air that our story should culminate in marriage. And she’s a good fortune teller-two years after that letter we exchanged “I do’s” in a simple wedding ceremony. Right now we’re starting a new life and building a happy family.

I bend down to kiss your cheeks and slowly I whispered to your ears as you sleep: “thank you and happy anniversary sweetheart”.

Â

eaclaveria@f…comÂ

———

waw. – ed.Â

Â

Para kay “sec-gen”

You entered my life rather abruptly, like the current that suddenly flooded an empty street. You came at the time when there was an empty seat. You sat down in my life and I never would want you to stand up and walk away.

Our friendship is one of a kind. “We met by chance and became friends by choice”. It was a fast – paced transition… from mere acquaintances to friends; sort of an ice cube melting into water. From then on, you silently travelled the road towards my unwilling heart.

Your killer eyes and smile make me survive the toughness of the day. At some point, the made me blush and at the most, they made me shiver. Your big brown eyes envelope my whole being, as if the night eating the light of the day. Your smile flashes like lightning and can “kill” me instantly. Your voice sound the sweetest notes and make my emotions dance for joy. Your body is comparable to Adonis’, just enough to warm my chilling soul. Your attitude brought you up my pedestal where I look up to you from time to time.

Then I suddenly found myself having you in my system, as if I was having an unquittable habit. Your face it seems, knows its way into my memory, for it went there and and remained there eversince. My sweet, innocent, brotherly love for you eventually and inevitably evolved into the foundation of something beautiful and enigmatic.

I find it inevitable not to yield to you. You are the fire that invites the moth, the magnet that attracts the metal. I really find it hard to resist your charm. It seems that I am wanting you more and more. You are like a drug that I am addicted to. I am glad that you were responding to my warmth even though it is not with the same temperature.

The pages of each day turn and I am deeply tucked into your mud. I felt afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get myself out of it. You held my hand and my gaze at one instant and I never would have let it go it it wasn’t necessary or embarrassing.

We “were getting to know each other a little too well”, and one of the saddest truths I have known is that your heart longs not for me but for someone else. My world crumbled as if shaken by a strong quake.

I tried to conquer the feelings and hide it in a deep mine, but it seems like the more i hide it, the deeper it grows. I tried to stop the flow but it is like a river that seeks its own way. My feelings seem like the seed that will grow eventually.

I am saddened by the thought that it wasn’t magic for both of us. You still whisper her name while I murmur yours. I long to hold your hand while you reach out for hers. Now, I know that there are times when dreams remain dreams, we have no power to make them come true. Sometimes, the relationship we WANT IS THE ONE WE CAN NEVER HAVE. Sometimes, two people cannot walk side by side. One of them has to go on while the other stays; that is why while you walk away, i stay here and wish upon the stars that someday… one day in your journey, you will long for home and hopefully find it here in my arms.

love,
spokesperson

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submitted by tillshesleeps.. salamat sa contribution!

Silence is indeed deafening. I am unsure if you choose not to include me in your day or you are just too busy to pay attention, but there has been too much silence that I am deafened, worried that I might not hear you the same way you do not hear me these days.

The last thing I need is for us to have a wall between us. I miss conversing with you, i miss the times you practice your listening skills by listening to my ramblings, and most of all i miss spending time on nothingness with you.

I hope that one of these days, our paths will cross again, and we will be like we used to be, if not better.

I miss you…

tillshesleeps (feb3,3006)

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submitted by tillshesleeps.. salamat sa contribution!

I thought I saw you last day but when this girl I turned a little it wasn’t you after all. I really hope it was you so that I could have a chance to be with you and have a chance to talk to you and asked you, how you’ve been? what’s new with you?

After all I came to realize that I was just missing you! and I keep on asking my self why? when I thought I’ve already got over you. We are friends and we will remain friends. But this feeling insist that it’s more than that, my care for you and thoughts of you wasn’t changed since then the time that I’ve realized what you are to me.

Loving you is wrong! yeah! I very much know that and aware of that! I guess you know some of the reasons why, the rest— let’s just leave it there!

Now I’m with all my strength to move on to a feeling that I am comfortable of……..

But still I will be around,.. a friend that you used to have, a friend that wont let you down, a friend you can lean on to, and a friend who loves you more than any friend can do. I am so happy that you exist in my life yang….I will always love you! friend!

from G.B.

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teka lang, ngayon ko lang napansin, itong ayang ba na to ay yung ayang din dun sa previous post? hmm mukhang lakas tama mo tsong. sige tuloy lang. walang basagan ng trip. — ed